Elon Musk v Jeff Bezos: the ridiculous rivalry of the world’s richest men

Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos are in a billionaire face-off. Photo: Brendan Smialowski/AFP/Getty Photos

Pass notes

The wealth of the Tesla boss and would-be dwelling coloniser has overtaken that of his Amazon rival. How does he plot to possess a ultimate time? By being as puerile as most likely

Wed 29 Sep 2021 11.11 EDT

Title: Elon Musk v Jeff Bezos.

Age: About two.

Look: Gold-plated, abdominal-churning vulgarity.

Oh gigantic, the Godzilla v Kong of turbo-gits. Now now, merely because they’re both properly off doesn’t mean that Musk and Bezos are monsters.

OK, you’re handsome, I turned into too mercurial to lift. Why are we talking about them? Musk desires to ship Bezos a big statue of the number two, alongside with a silver medal, after beating him to alter into the arena’s richest particular person.

Can I lift them now? Positive, trudge forward.

Right here’s the most vulgar thing I’ve ever heard. OK, horny, yes, it’s rather corrupt. Nevertheless if an obscenely properly off billionaire can’t compose fun of 1 other obscenely properly off billionaire in public, then what’s the point of having all that cash?

That you just would possibly perhaps attain one thing handy with it, corresponding to eradicating most cancers. Bezos and Musk withhold leapfrogging each varied for the title of world’s richest particular person. Bezos has, for the most fragment, had more cash than any individual since 2018, however a Tesla stock rally in January intended that Musk overtook him for the principle time. Bezos regained the crown a month later. Then, in March, Musk had more cash, then Bezos did again.

So what took region this time? Bezos misplaced a billion greenbacks on Monday.

Oh no, that’s an unthinkably super amount of cash. What took region? Became as soon as there a devastating fire? A lawsuit? Will he want to sell his dwelling? No. Amazon’s stock declined by half of 1%. That’s all.

Severely, screw these guys. They’re each price $200bn.

Sorry, that’s an unfathomably super number. Attach it this fashion: they are each price the identical of New Zealand’s GDP. If the wealth of either Musk or Bezos turned into divided equally between the population of the UK, we would each be £3,000 richer. If you happen to stacked 200bn dwelling bricks on top of every varied, you would acquire about halfway to Mars.

So this rivalry is all about cash? Well, cash and dwelling.

Jam? Positive. Bezos and Musk are also locked in a fight to peep who can change into the principle uncomfortably properly off man to colonise dwelling. Musk’s SpaceX turned into no longer too long ago given a Nasa contract price $2.9bn, and Bezos’s Blue Starting build filed a lawsuit to dispute it.

Ugh. Musk desires to colonise Mars, however Bezos has ridiculed him for it. Bezos desires Amazon to originate recordsdata superhighway-beaming satellites into dwelling, which precipitated Musk to call him a “copycat”. It goes on and on.

It sounds fancy there would possibly perhaps perhaps well perhaps be some overcompensating here. What, from a man who actually merely flew a big phallus into dwelling? Never.

Attain dispute: “Musk and Bezos both want to be the arena’s richest particular person.”

Don’t dispute: “Probably let’s tax them properly?”

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